As you peruse my website, perhaps you will conclude God gifted me with a talent for drawing, painting and sculpting. For years, however, I had a low opinion of my art skills, which is one of the reasons I chose not to go to art school. For most of my life, I also did not know God.
I was raised in a religious home surrounded by extended family who subscribed to the same directives as those we followed. I learned little about the Word of God, however, because there was more emphasis on memorizing prayers and following traditions than there was in studying the Bible. Maybe some people can pursue this path to know God but to me it was a heavy burden of obligations I thought I had to follow to stay right with God.
As a young adult I fell into a long state of depression; a traumatic divorce, a haze of Godless relationships, mindless distractions, and apathy towards myself and my latent artistic skills brought me to a state of self-loathing and suicidal thoughts. I identified as an atheist or at least an agnostic. I felt like an empty vase on a shelf.
God rekindled my art by bringing my first Newfoundland dog into my life; she was so beautiful, I picked up my pencils for the first time in years and began sketching her; she was so sweet, I trained her as a therapy dog for the special needs children with whom I was working. I did not know it at the time, but as my Newfoundland dogs were healing the children, God was healing me.
Around 1999, God gifted me with the idea for an ABC book of manners featuring my Newfoundland as the storyteller. I immediately began drawing the illuminated letters for the book, but as I worked, I knew at some point I would have to draw people in my illustrations. I did not go to art school, remember? Longer periods elapsed between drawing sessions as I avoided this step. Then a family member asked me to draw a portrait of their spouse. When I finished, I thought the work was a respectable likeness and felt ready to resume my book illustrations, but the recipient of the portrait scorned my effort. My confidence deeply shaken, work on my ABC book ceased. The only drawing I forced myself to do were my annual Christmas cards as I started re-filling my time with endless, self-centered distractions that kept me away from God and my art.
God then sent His servant, Jonathan, who patiently shared the Truth of God’s Word in the Bible and in His created works. I began taking infant steps in pursuing God but did not know what to make of Jesus. Was He God or a great human teacher, killed for claiming to be God?
Several years ago, my parents pre-planned their funerals. For their respective services, they wanted little memorial cards with a religious image on one side and a Scripture on the reverse. My Dad was a wheat farmer; for my Dad’s card, Mom asked me to draw a picture of Jesus finding a lost lamb in a wheat field. I put it off: I did not know Jesus, nor did I have the skill to draw people; how could I possibly draw a portrait of Jesus?
Then, a couple of years ago, my Dad lay dying in the hospital; again my mother asked me about the drawing of Jesus and the lost lamb. Still, I hesitated.
Later that day, Jon and I took a walk along the river. We saw a group of people behind a 4’ chain link fence. They were watching a mother duck, frantically pacing a ledge above where her helpless, tiny babies were caught in a swirling eddy of water. Without hesitation, Jon scaled the fence and began scooping each duckling out of the whirlpool, setting them on the ground to rejoin his mother. As Jon worked, the remaining ducklings became increasingly frightened. The last little duckling was so scared of Jon’s arm, she swam to the outer part of the whirlpool where the swirling water was most dangerous. Risking falling into the river himself, Jon leaned far over the water to bring her to safety. As this last little one hurried to rejoin her family, the Mama duck’s joy was palpable.
In that moment, I was filled with gratitude and joy. I knew I could draw a portrait of Jesus because God blessed me with artistic skills, and, in that moment, He gave me the spiritual reference point for a portrait of Jesus scooping up a lost and frightened lamb. His are the gentle hands that pull me out of my endless, self-imposed, spiritless doing and the swirling distractions of this world. He is God, who wrapped Himself in human flesh and whose life, death, and resurrection set me on the solid ground of my salvation.
I finished my little ABC book and today share it with a heart of glorifying God who gave me the gift of art. This gift is a door to sharing my faith journey with others and theirs with me. I no longer need to immerse myself in an endless whirlpool of artificial distractions or fear; I can rest in His sovereignty and will for me. Like a weary duckling in a swirling vortex or a lost lamb in a wheat field, I have been scooped up by Jesus and I am His.
Kathleen Petitjean | Fine Art 