Journey

If you’ve seen one of my illustrated cards or one of my books, you know God gifted me with a talent for drawing. Growing up, however, I had a low opinion of my art skills so I chose not to go to art school.  For many years I also did not know God.

I was raised in a religious home surrounded by extended family who subscribed to the same works-based doctrine.  I learned little about who God is, His Son, Jesus, or the Truth found in God’s Word. I remember there was more emphasis on memorizing prayers and following traditions than there was in studying the Bible.  Maybe some people can pursue this path to know God but to me it was a heavy burden of obligations I thought I had to follow to stay right with God.

As a young adult I fell into a spiral of self-destruction: marriage to an emotionally vacant man who would only connect with me if I did the same drugs he did, the loss of our home because of his malfeasance, and an unnecessarily protracted divorce, were followed by a haze of Godless relationships and mindless distractions. A deep apathy towards myself and my latent artistic skills brought me to a state of self-loathing.  I identified as an atheist and had no patience for anyone who did not think as I did.

Despite my rejection of Him, God rekindled my art by bringing my first Newfoundland dog into my life. She was so beautiful, I picked up my pencils for the first time in years and began sketching her. She was so sweet, I trained her as a therapy dog for the special needs children with whom I was working.  I did not know it at the time, but as my Newfoundland dogs were helping the children, God was healing me.

Around 1999, God gifted me with the idea for an ABC book featuring my dog as the storyteller. I immediately began drawing the dog illustrations for the book, but as I worked, I knew at some point I would have to draw the people needed in my illustrations. I did not think I could draw people well, so longer periods elapsed between drawing sessions. 

Around this time, a family member asked me to draw a portrait of her husband. I agreed and was so happy with the likeness I’d created, I framed it and gave it to her as a gift. I was deeply shaken, however, when the recipient scorned the portrait, telling me “we didn’t think it captured him so we put it under the bed.” My confidence dashed, work on my ABC book ceased.  The only drawings I forced myself to do were my annual Christmas cards as I started re-filling my time with endless, self-centered distractions that kept me away from my art.

God then sent His servant, Jonathan, who patiently shared the Truth of God’s Word in the Bible and in His created works. In the back of my mind, I realized, I always believed in an almighty God but did not know what to make of Jesus. Wasn’t he just a good teacher? 

Then, in 2018, as my Dad lay dying in the hospital, my mother asked me to draw a sketch for Dad’s memorial card. Since Dad was a wheat farmer, my mother asked me to sketch Jesus with a lamb in a wheat field. I knew the parable Jesus told His disciples, how a Good Shepherd leaves the flock of 99 to find the sheep that is lost, but I told my mother I couldn’t draw the picture she wanted. In my heart, I believed I couldn’t draw people, and besides, how could I draw someone I didn’t know? Who was Jesus?

Later that day, Jonathan and I took a walk along the river in South Bend. Just below the dam near the East Race, where the water was most turbulent, we saw a mother duck, frantically pacing a ledge above the turbulent water. “What’s she doing?” I wondered. Peering below, we saw the reason for her distress; her tiny, newly hatched ducklings were caught in a swirling eddy of water. They were too small to escape, and she was helpless to save them. Without hesitation, Jonathan scrambled down the bank and scooped each duckling out of the whirlpool. The mother duck spread her wings in joy as all her little ones scampered to rejoin her.  

In that moment, God put into my heart the spiritual reference point I needed to draw a portrait of His Son scooping up a lost and frightened lamb. The things I’d read and learned about Jesus from the Scriptures began to fall into place. His are the gentle hands that pull me out of my endless, self-imposed, spiritless works, and the swirling distractions of this world. He is my Father, who wrapped His Son in human flesh and whose life, death, and resurrection set me on the solid ground of my salvation.

That night, I picked up my charcoal pencils and drew a portrait of a shepherd and a lamb in a wheat field.

This fresh understanding of who God made me to be gave me the confidence to finish the drawings for and to self-publish my ABC book. I never tire of sharing this book as it gives me an opportunity to glorify God, Who gave me the gift of art.

My latest book, “I Wanted to Ask My Dad”, is my story of loss and redemption. It recounts a daughter’s longing for a relationship with her father, and how God used a family of ducks to open her heart for a relationship with Him.

Because God longs to have a personal relationship with every person He has created, I recognize His means of capturing my attention and my heart was uniquely designed for me. God has as many avenues of reaching people as there are people who have ever been created by Him. Whatever method God uses to reach you, I pray you learn through His Word, His Creation, and His family of believers, that He is longing for you to know that you are known and loved by Him.

If you are looking for a path to learn the meta narrative of the Bible; how God created us for relationship with Him and each other, how humans rebelled against this design and severed our relationship with Him and tainted our relationship with others, and then, God’s beautiful plan of salvation to restore this relationship with Himself, I encourage you to look into a deep study into the Word of God. Bible Study Fellowship provided such an avenue for me; whether you are a seeker, a skeptic, have never opened the Bible before, or have studied it for years, BSF offers an in-depth study for anyone, anywhere. The program is free. You can study through BSF on your own, however, I personally have been deeply enriched by the relationships with others with whom I’ve studied as I continue to grow in my relationship with God. I pray you will, too.