Journey

If you’ve seen one of my illustrated cards or my ABC book, you know God gifted me with a talent for drawing. Growing up, however, I had a low opinion of my art skills, which is one of the reasons I chose not to go to art school.  For many years I also did not know God.

I was raised in a religious home surrounded by extended family who subscribed to the same works-based doctrine.  I learned little about God, His Son, Jesus, or the Truth found in God’s Word because there was more emphasis on memorizing prayers and following traditions than there was in studying the Bible.  Maybe some people can pursue this path to know God but to me it was a heavy burden of obligations I thought I had to follow to stay right with God.

As a young adult I fell into a spiral of self-destruction: marriage to an emotionally vacant man who would only connect with me if I did the same drugs he did, the loss of our home because of his malfeasance and an unnecessarily protracted divorce were followed by a haze of Godless relationships and mindless distractions. A deep apathy towards myself and my latent artistic skills brought me to a state of self-loathing and suicidal thoughts.  I identified as an atheist and had no patience for anyone who did not think as I did.

Despite my rejection of Him, God rekindled my art by bringing my first Newfoundland dog into my life. She was so beautiful, I picked up my pencils for the first time in years and began sketching her. She was so sweet, I trained her as a therapy dog for the special needs children with whom I was working.  I did not know it at the time, but as my Newfoundland dogs were healing the children, God was healing me.

Around 1999, God gifted me with the idea for an ABC book featuring my dog as the storyteller. I immediately began drawing the dog illustrations for the book, but as I worked, I knew at some point I would have to draw the people needed in my illustrations. I did not think I could draw people well, so longer periods elapsed between drawing sessions as I avoided this step.  Around this time, my sister commissioned me to draw a portrait of her husband. I agreed and was so happy with the likeness I’d created, I framed it and gave it to her as a gift. “Now,” I thought, “I can start drawing the people for my ABC book.” I was deeply shaken, however, when this sister scorned the portrait, telling me “we didn’t think it captured him so we put it under the bed.” My confidence dashed, work on my ABC book ceased.  The only drawings I forced myself to do were my annual Christmas cards as I started re-filling my time with endless, self-centered distractions that kept me away from my art.

God then sent His servant, Jonathan, who patiently shared the Truth of God’s Word in the Bible and in His created works. In the back of my mind, I realized, I always believed in an almighty God but did not know what to make of Jesus. Wasn’t he just a good teacher? 

Then, in 2018, as Dad lay dying in the hospital, someone asked me to draw a sketch for his memorial card. Since Dad was a wheat farmer, they asked me to sketch Jesus with a lamb in a wheat field.

Later that day, Jonathan and I took a walk along the river. Just below a dam, we saw a mother duck, frantically pacing a ledge above the turbulent water. “What’s she doing?” I asked. Peering below, we saw the reason for her distress; her tiny, newly hatched babies were caught in a swirling eddy of water. They were too small to escape, and she was helpless to save them. Without hesitation, Jonathan scrambled down the bank and scooped each duckling out of the whirlpool, setting them on the ground to rejoin their mother.  The mother spread her wings in joy as all her little ones scampered to rejoin her.  

In that moment, God put into my heart the spiritual reference point I needed to draw a portrait of His Son scooping up a lost and frightened lamb. His are the gentle hands that pull me out of my endless, self-imposed, spiritless works and the swirling distractions of this world. He is my Father, who wrapped His Son in human flesh and whose life, death, and resurrection set me on the solid ground of my salvation.

I finished the little ABC book and share it with a heart to glorify God, Who gave me the gift of art. This gift is a door to sharing my faith journey with others and theirs with me. I no longer need to struggle in an endless whirlpool of distractions because I can rest in His sovereignty and will for me. Like a weary duckling in a swirling vortex or a lost lamb in a wheat field, I have been scooped up by Jesus and I am His.